I am 21-year-old today. I think this time, I am the age that I suppose to be, you know, I feel like a legitimate adult. This year, I celebrated my birthday with the right people: this time, I celebrated my birthday for myself. I scrawled back to my past Instagram photographs, and I see how many people I met through the journey, and how few had stayed with me. And I think is both my fault and them.
Last year, it was an exhausting year, not just because I decided to follow my dream and give myself one last chance, also, because I lost my brother.
I was mentally and physically destroyed after the event, and I didn’t even realized how broken I was at the end. I got to admit, I being through dark days in my past, but this time, it hit me quite right. I was so unhappy that I didn’t know who I was, nor did know what my dreams were anymore. Also, I found out that I had severe anxiety attacks, which affected me very deeply. But the hardest part of all, was that I was hurting myself, as much I was hurting the people who loves me and care about me.
Thanks for the few people in my life, and their humongous support, because I am giving myself another chance. And for those who aren’t, I am sorry, but I cannot let you be part of my life, so please, step aside, never try to contact me again, and let me be. Because people who hated me, were the one who did me less harm, than the one who pretend to care about me, but in reality they didn’t.
I hope people don’t hurt the way they hurt me, by talking in my back about how sorry they felt for me, but not even caring one bit, to at least call me and ask me if I was okay. I hope people don’t hurt other people like the way that they hurt me, like they did by calling me a liar, and saying that my stories weren’t true, and that I should be the one to grow up and be tough. Honestly, I felt cheated, when a lot of people gave me their back, instead of a hand, when I opened my heart to them. I do believe I am a nice person, and people can laugh about it. But this is what makes me myself, and I think I am special in my own way, so call me crazy or weirdo, it’s their problem for not taking advantage of a person who could give them a hand when they need it, but I guess, they don’t deserve nice people.
Currently, I am living my life in the fullest, and I can’t let negativity ruin it. I am doing yoga, I am going to school, I am planing to travel, I have a great family, friends, and four beautiful dogs, I am eating healthy, drinking tea, meeting new people, I am less focus in my phone and social media, I am genuinely happy, right now.
Happy birthday to myself, and I hope I learn more through time, but never lose who I am and my values. I am looking forward into my future.