IT’S TIME. SPEAK UP.

Final 혜진세영.jpgNick Robinson, one of my role models and favorite actors, posted a quote on his Instagram last year, and in the quote said, “If you are not outraged, you’re not paying attention.” This quote made me think of the situation about the #Metoo movement. I remember that feminism was a battle I do not wanted to fight. And I had my reasons, lame reasons, but still reasons.

The first time I heard the world feminism was through that grandiose speech that Emma Watson gave back in 2014 for the United Nation. Before that, I believe I was a feminist, because I was writing essays about the unfair treatment of women on Saudi Arabia. But, it was through Emma Watson that I said for the first time, “I am a feminist”.

The very next day, after Watson gave her speech, I went to school and I was telling all my classmates that I was a feminist, and everyone were like “yeah, yeah. good for you.”, but there was just this one girl who said she was an equalist( or something like “I am in both side, durp, durp, durp”). I dislike this girl very much till this day, not because for not being a feminist, but for being selfish. People like her made me stop wanting to fight for feminism. Through her I began to get this belief that women do not stick together. Always competing with each other on who is better, me or her? Or making gossip to hate and outcast the other one.

Another reason to stop wanting to be a feminist was my mother. My mom, she had blood of a feminist since the day she was born. My mom never treat me like a princess, she raised me tough. She is a woman of fewer words and more action, if I wasn’t working for it, I would have to be punished. I had a resentment for her, she was a bad mother in my eyes. I compared to her to other mothers, who were lovely, gently and friendly to their daughters. But my mom was the opposite of that: never a friend, but a critic.  She always tried to exposed me to the real world, but she showed it to me too early, and thanks to her, I am still afraid of this world.

One time, mom and I got in a fight. And when we fight, mom liked to involve my father, and my father is someone who respect my mom a little bit too much, so he doesn’t fight her and let my mother be mad, and turn the whole house goes upside down. Yet my father always try to be on my side on disguise, because I was still young and fragile, and her precious little girl. But this time, it was a lot to handle for him, both the job he hates and trouble at home. That night, dad was furious at me, he got so mad that in the moment he stepped inside the house, he didn’t came to protect me and console me, he went straight to push me. It was a moment of shock. Right there, mom, who was against me, came and pushed my dad away, she told dad to not do that ever again.

Mom asked if he hit me hard, and I said that he only pushed me, and in that moment, mom said something that I will never forget, “Don’t you ever let a man touch you, never again.” That was the first and last time that my father had hit me.

My mom is a pissed of work, she always be. But I’m thankful for having her. She might be angry or selfish from time to time, but I’m proud that she is my mother. While growing up she told me that if I don’t want to marry a guy to benefit me, I should work hard independently. When my mother sees that my father or brother or me have lost track of our life, she is the one who will rise us up and tell us to pull ourselves together and keep living, that there is so much worth to live for.

What a grandiose thing I have realized from my mother, that being a women-mother is to make and see her family triumph.

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But what brought me back to being a feminist, I think it was the real world. In 2016, I got a job in an amusment park, here in Korea. The job was orginized through my university, and it was an acting job. The amusment park had a zombie theme to celebrate the week of Halloween. The job was to go for two Saturdays to act like a zombie, wondering around a certain space of the amusment park.

The first week, the production team was starting to know us, the hired actors. But the second week, it was when the production team had already met their actors, and it was time to give us our roles. When I got there and gave me the costume of my role, I was overwhelmed, because my role was of a princess zombie, but the costume was too reavealing and not enough to cover for the weather of that day, which it was freezing. I noticed for those two days I had work there, that there was this guy who was really flirty with me, and sometimes made me a little bit uncomfortable, yet I ignore him for good. But after finishing the job, few days later, mom called me that I had being payed just for one day, instead of two. She wanted me to checked it out, and called the person in charnge of the payment. When I called the person, I recognized the voice of the person who had answered- it was the guy who had previously trying to flirty with me. I told him about the situation, and he pretend that it wasn’t true, but I kept insisting, yet, he kept negating it. At the end, I only told him to check again, and he said he will send me  the payment, but I knew it wasn’t true, so I just gave up. I though right there that some battles you lose, and certainly, this was one of those battles. One side of me said that I should have just accept the guy and have being kind, but the other side of me it’s still proud, because I didn’t let that creep touch me or do me anything innapropriate. I don’t want his dirty money! So, I want women to stand up too, because is not okay to say okay to something that you don’t feel it’s okay. You know what I mean?

In coclusion, I have forgotten about that narcissist classmate from high school, and I have accept my feminist mother, and today, I am proud to say to that I am a feminist once again. Today, with my new friend, Mimi the Photographer, and her friends, we have create a project to demonstrate the importance of women, and how their voice matter. But let me be frank, I am fighting for everyone, because we all got a women inside of us. So I expect from everyone, to be in the right side and get involve in this revolution that clearly everyone should be involved in.

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PHOTGRAPHER’S IG: @anyway.amy

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